Because the Last Time I Checked, You weren't Thurgood Marshall

And I’m pretty sure you’re not Sandra Day O’Connor either.

People. I have one word. Actually several that will follow this one word I’m about to reveal … but for starters, RELAX.

When I first got on Facebook, it was all light and breezy. Everyone was joining up to reconnect with childhood friends, ex-coworkers, ex-boyfriends, lost loves, etc. etc.

People sent me Sea Monkey Applications or sent me Cooties, gave me virtual wedgies, Super Poked me or Flung Poo at me, what have you ...

See? Fun. Nothing but good times and jollies.Since then, Facebook has gotten a little bit too serious for my liking.Almost to the point where I’m going to start my own group called “Facebook Etiquette.”

I’ve been both deleted and have deleted friends from my page. And it’s gettin’ ugly up in this mug.

I am a writer. And Facebook is my forum to express myself.I’ve gotten unwarranted opinions about what I post, when I post, the volume at which I post, what I say, what my updates mean, why did I post a picture of my dog in a Red Sox hat (please don’t rat me out to Animal Services)... Which is fine. This is America. And under the Constitution, y’all have certain rights and freedoms. You are entitled to your own opinions. I get that. But really? You’re wondering why I’m on Facebook for three hours at a time and why I change my update status every time the wind blows?

And my answer? It’s my dog damn page.If you don’t like it, or if you’re annoyed at how many fan pages I join, or if you can’t decipher my so-called ‘cryptic’ status update messages, then maybe I’m not the friend for you. And I’m pretty sure I’m going to get a bunch of people misinterpreting what I’m writing now as complaining or being snarky. Ok, so yeah, it is a little snarky…

I’m sarcastic. I’m a smart ass. I’m sardonic. Cynical. Scornful. Mocking. Mostly about myself but sometimes about sports and of the world around me. And if and when I see fit, I will often blog about it. Most of my posts or comments on Facebook are for my comedic benefit or for my friends who know me well. Because if you knew me at all, you’d know I wasn’t trying to be offensive or hurt anyone’s feelings.

A good rule thumb in life that I find helpful also in the realm of Facebook is “Don’t be a Thurgood.”

See, I don’t judge you, so don’t do it to me.

And more importantly, don’t simply post a comment on my wall stating that the “Red Sox suck” without sufficient wit and actual substantial supporting evidence of aforementioned sucking and not expect me to unleash a shit storm of factual data why they do not in fact suck and then complain like a baby because I’ve just handed your humility to you on a ham sandwich on your wall (all done with humor and innocent ribbing) in front of 249 of your closest Facebook friends. ( Damn, that sentence was long.) Just don’t do it.

I mean no harm. Really.Most of the time, I’m just being funny, silly and/or coming from my Stupid Place. It’s where I live.

Another rule of thumb in life and on Facebook is … maybe one should tend to one’s own garden instead of looking over the fence and pointing out my weeds. Cause I think I saw some crab grass in your dichondra too. We all have stuff. I’m just sayin’ is all …

Nevermind that I’m on Facebook for five hours. Why are you keeping track? I work out of my pajamas and my love life is non-existent. That pretty much leaves wide-open chunks of time in my social calendar. Yes, if you’re wondering, I have no life. There. I said it. Are you happy? I am a waste of human flesh. (But I will say, however that my pajamas are quite spectacular)

Sheesh.

The world is in enough upheaval, don’t you think? Economic crisis. Ethnic injustices. Paula is still on American Idol. Our President thinks he’s Mick Phackin’ Jagger. The threat of zombie domination grows closer to a reality every day … We shouldn’t add personal gripes about how people navigate their profile page to the increasing pile of global issues. Facebook could be such a kinder, gentler social networking place- if we could all just accept and embrace our differences and/or some individual’s obsessive need to post Red Sox articles from Redsox.com all the live long day.

In the immortal words of Rodney Glen King (after being beat beyond recognition by LA’s finest PoPo): “Can we all just get along?”